My Not-So Abridged but Kind Of Pre-Med Experience at UC Berkeley

Hi Billogsohard readers! It’s been a while since I’ve last updated the Billog, but I wanted to write something about my Pre-Med experience at UC Berkeley!

Many potential Cal students are concerned about Berkeley’s reputation as a competitive school for pre-med and are told that it’s not wise to attend Berkeley. While I’m in no position to tell anyone what to do, what I can provide is a description of my experience as a UC Berkeley Pre-Med.

Pre-med at UC Berkeley is not for the faint of heart. Be prepared to be busy and over-worked, to be forced to sacrifice things. It is not easy to succeed academically for many reasons: class sizes for lower division courses are huge (O-Chem doesn’t even have discussion sections), averages are usually B- or B, and there are lots of structural limitations to getting tutoring services (temporal, affiliation with a certain organization, etc…). Beyond that, as a large public university, it is often difficult to find research positions with professors, internships, and other opportunities that help people see if medicine is right for them. And with the size comes the general growing pains of making friends and finding community. I know this is something I struggled with and to some extent still do.

Let me be clear: I love my life. Despite the ups and downs, trials and tribulations, successes and failures, I have enjoyed my time at Cal and don’t regret that much. One thing that does suck about this route is that I don’t really have “down time.” I have plenty of fun in that I hang out with friends a ton (my friends mean the world to me), but I don’t have time to just sit at home, watch Netflix, and chill on my bed. This may be function of my extroverted personality, but this lack of down time does burn me out and make it stressful to work so hard and utilize all of my energy without ample recharge time. Granted, this is also because I over involve myself in extracurricular activities, which suck up more time for me than it does for the typical student.

Now that I’ve given ya’ll a little background over my pre-med experience, I’ll go into narrative mode and talk about my path:
Coming into College I wanted to be an Anthro pre-med. I don’t quite remember why I wanted to Anthro, but I wanted to rebel against the stereotypical MCB pre-med archetype. Going into my first semester I was really worried I wouldn’t do well because people at my high school had fed me this cutthroat caricature of Cal, which has not turned out to be true in my experience, though I’ll admit I’m a very sincere person who takes people at face value, so perhaps there are “cutthroats” that I don’t recognize. My first semester I had taken General Chemistry with Lab (Chem 1A/L), Socio-cultural Anthro (Anthro 3AC), Japanese History (History 14), and a Native American Literature Class (Native American Studies R1B). I thoroughly enjoyed all of my classes, and I had gotten a 4.0 my first semester, which really made me confident in my ability to succeed as a pre-med at Cal! All of the rumors I heard basically meant nothing to me that winter break, and I was really happy and confident about my future prospects. I definitely made friends in my classes and tried to help them out when I can, planting the seeds for a lot of my future activities at Cal.

My 2nd semester turned out to be a lot rougher. During the Fall I had only been doing Archery, but this semester I joined a community service club (Cal Rotaract), a mental health awareness club (You Mean More), and started tutoring elementary school students through OASES, which took up a lot of my time. Academically I was taking Organic Chem I (Chem 3A/L), Biological Anthropology (Anthro 1), Calc I (Math 16A), a lower division genetics class (PMB 13), a Public Health Class (PH 116), and a De-Cal on student writing. My first round of midterms did not go very well, and because of other stuff going on in my personal life, the semester did not start off on a good note. However, I managed to trudge through and pull a 4.0 again. Being involved with Rotaract that semester instilled in me an everlasting drive for humanism, and its motto “service above self” resonates with me to this day. I was a little bummed going into the summer though because I had applied for research positions but didn’t get any. However, and I don’t say this often about my life, this was one of the few times where one door closing opened up so many other amazing doors.

That Summer I was set to take two classes: A Scandinavian Literature Class (Scandinavian R5B) during the first session, and General Biology (Bio 1B) during the 3rd session, with a two week overlap between the two. I forget how I learned about it, but I started working for the Cal Calling Center that summer as well. In addition to that I ended up working for Cal Dining as a Food Service Worker at GBC. My friend Prerak and I, who were both taking Bio 1b together, wanted to “do something cool” that summer so we met up on July 2nd at FSM to talk about our cool plans. It was this meeting that gave birth to PEACE, a club that would define a lot of what my college experience has been about. On top of all of this, in late July I started training with the IRC at the Berkeley Free Clinic. As you can see my summer was extremely busy, but to be honest it was probably the best summer I’ve ever had, easily one of the best times of my life. As in previous semesters, I managed to pull a 4.0 this summer.

The following fall I took Organic Chemistry II (Chem 3B/L), Physics I (Physics 8A), Intro Psychology (Psych 1), and units for research! Given the extent of my obligations during the school year, I decided to drop working at the Cal Center but kept working at GBC. This semester was pretty busy, but in hindsight, I felt like it was very chill compared to my current workload. My research lab experience wasn’t terribly fun because the post-doc I worked with didn’t give me very much autonomy, and all I did was extract DNA, set up PCR’s, run a whopping total of one agarose gel, plant plants, and use ImageJ to measure pollen tube lengths. Actually now that I think about it, it wasn’t THAT bad, but my current lab I love a lot more. This semester I didn’t quite pull a 4.0 but I still did very well!

Now the Spring is where things got interesting. I decided to be crazy and take 4 technicals: General Bio (Bio 1A/L), Human Physiology (IB 132), Calc II (Math 16B), and Physics II (Physics 8B). This semester was my roughest semester academically, and after the first round of midterms, I finally hit the un-avoidable “should I give up pre-med” question. This was the first semester where I felt my workload pile to an unhealthy level and felt constantly burnt out. To be fair, my work ethic wasn’t quite up to par yet, as I remember playing Settlers of Catan staying up until 1 AM talking about life several nights. I also stopped working for Cal Dining and started tutoring as an Anthropology Study Group Leader with the SLC this semester, and my group that semester didn’t have very high attendance because it was a Friday afternoon, which hurt my faith in myself a lot. On an “objective” sense I didn’t do terrible this semester, I definitely dropped from my former quality of work. This semester had two redeeming qualities: first, PEACE had became an official organization through the University and got funding, and I was excited to start at a new research lab in the summer!
That Summer I had two main things on my plate: Research and MCAT Studying, with some BFC volunteering and PEACE tutoring on the side. Research was initially very frustrating because there was so much to learn, and the grad student I work with expected a lot from me in terms of autonomy and my knowledge of the science. I was doing molecular cloning, and in terms of actual results for the project the summer was fruitless because I was using the wrong template for my PCR’s the whole time. However, I learned the skills to be a beast cloner and I learned about the frustrations and rewards of wet lab research. Before this experience I would never have considered doing wet lab research as a career, but after working in the lab I definitely want to be involved with some sort of medical research in my career. Studying for the MCAT was ok, but if I could go back and do it again, I would focus less on content review for the Bio portion and spend time cranking through practice passages. Overall I wish I had put more time into both lab work and MCAT. The main thing holding me back was FOMO, the fear of missing out. To me the idea of studying on a Friday or Saturday night was ludicrous, that I had to spend these designated times “having fun” to fulfill some sort of weird Fordist dream.

This past Fall (Fall 2014) was a great semester! I took Biophysical Chemistry (MCB C100A), Biostatistics (PH 142), Pre-Modern Chinese Literature (Chinese 7A), and Human Anatomy (IB 131). It was a demanding courseload, but enriching and intellectually diverse. My extracurricular involvement this semester was definitely heavy, but it integrated will into my coursework. The previous year going to lab was annoying because it was all the way in Albany, and I could only go during business hours, but my current lab I could go in whenever I wanted. This made it really convenient to do cloning whenever I had the time to do so, so I planned It around my class schedule. I would set up a PCR, go to class, run a gel and cut out a slice, go to a club meeting, come back and purify it and digest. Next day after classes I would purify my digestion, go tutor for a few hours, and then come back to ligate and transform. Screening the various constructs I made was similarly flexible, and I really came to love doing lab work during the Fall. My involvement in You Mean More, the Mental Health Awareness Organization, and PEACE were similarly busy this semester and the next, as was my Anthropology Study Group with the SLC and my clinic work. Despite the heavy academic and extracurricular workload, I excelled in my classes and had a great semester without having to sacrifice my social life very much.
This semester (Spring 2015) has been pretty awesome as well, though not sure if it’s better than the Fall. I’m taking Human Reproduction (IB 140), Astronomy (Astro C10), Community Health (PH 150E), and an internship called FSI where I get to shadow a doctor for credit! This semester my lab work got more time intensive as I’ve transitioned from Vanilla Cloning into Overlap Extension Cloning and I’ve immersed myself into the woefully wonderful world of western blots. Word of warning: Western Blots are really hard to balance with a student schedule. It takes me about 8 hours to collect cell lysate, extract and quantify protein, run my gel, transfer to the membrane, then block. This is a fairly continuous 8 hours, with the gap times not usually enough to go to class or do a club meeting. Because I knew I would have to run blots, I intentionally designed my schedule to have lots of gaps in the mornings. This highlights another sacrifice as a pre-med, or at least a Billal sacrifice: I have to plan my class schedule around my extracurricular obligations. One of my biggest problems this semester has been balancing school with other aspects of my life. I remember not doing so well on a midterm because I didn’t study over spring break, and I didn’t study over spring break because I was in lab or clinic for most of spring break. However, one of the joys of this semester has been this “coffee date” initiative I copied from some random person on the internet, where I have an open invite to catch-up with anyone wants to hang out with me! It’s a been a really solid way to relax and bond with people. This summer, I’m going to be working in my lab again, volunteering at BFC, and tutoring through PEACE. I predict it’ll be busy but not as bad as Research+MCAT in the previous summer, especially since I’ve gotten over my FOMO.

I hope ya’ll found this as helpful as I did in reconstructing a loose narrative of my experience here at Cal. This is obviously just the surface, as I omitted a lot about my personal and emotional growth (not that those aren’t important, but because they’re not as directly relevant I feel). Perhaps I’ll write another post focusing on those aspects in particular?

Have a good one! Stay based!

The Notion of a “Gunner”

During the course of college we’ll all come across a term like “gunner” or “cutthroat,” labels that often bear a negative connotation. Especially in the pre-med community, you’ll hear these terms quite often, and to be labelled a gunner isn’t the greatest honor in the world. But what exactly do these terms mean? When we say someone’s a gunner, what is that actually saying about this individual. Is it commenting on their actions, their motives, their personality, their GPA?

I care about this issue because it affects how we treat and perceive one another. We are evolutionarily hard-wired to judge others, and I firmly believe that we must suspend this natural inclination in many contexts to treat our fellow humans with love and respect. Obviously there are contexts in which I feel justified to judge others, but I try my best to think about why I’m saying certain things before acting on them. To label someone with such a stigmatized word is not to be taken lightly, and as such I want to give this word a thorough unpacking before stigmatizing fellow members of the pre-med community.

Over the past few years I have asked a fair share of my friends what they think constitutes a gunner. Many of their descriptions align with my associations: the desire and act to sabotage other students to help the curve, the refusal to share notes, the mentality that you are competing with your peers. I think these associations quite negative, and this one of the reasons why being a gunner is considered a negative. But there are other supposed qualities of a gunner that make me think a little more: people who “go hardcore” when they study (like pull all-nighters), people who take ADD/ADHD medications to enhance their performance, people who seem “intense,” and people who are involved in a lot of extracurricular activities. Though I’ve never taken a medication without a prescription for it, I’m guilty of all the other criteria: I’ve nearly pulled all-nighters studying for classes, I can get pretty intense with my studies when I’m in the zone, and my list of extracurricular activities is pretty large. Given this, my GPA, and my strong presence in the pre-med community, does this make me a gunner?

I’m inclined to think I’m not a gunner, and whenever I ask my friends they’re quick to point out them I’m most certainly NOT a gunner. So if that’s really the case, then why do I fit these “gunner” criteria? My main hypothesis is that there is a stigma in the pre-med community against certain manifestations of hard work, manifestations that are best summed up by the word “try hard,” which itself has become an unfortunate epithet. So why is it bad to be a “try hard?” Why is notion of trying hard so antithetical to a career that requires so much schooling and training?

These stigmas and criteria rest on a fundamental assumption about pre-med behavior: that anything “related” to medical school, such as studying or extracurricular activities deemed to be “pre-med”, are only done for the sake of getting into medical school. Why are many of us to judge someone who spends all their time studying for their pre-med classes in the library? Would we judge someone who spends all their time reading fiction for fun? Maybe we’d call them shy or introverted, but we wouldn’t call them a gunner, right? So what if the chronic studier really, really, really likes their classes? Is it a crime to enjoy your classes? Personally I’m going to start studying ahead for IB 140, human reproduction, by making quizlet flash cards. Does studying ahead for a class say anything about me other than the fact that I have some free time this break? No one’s forcing me to do this, and I certainly don’t “need” to do this, but I have free time over winter break, so I might as well do something that I enjoy AND will be productive. That’s not “gunner”: it’s called being smart.

While there are some classes I thoroughly dislike (*cough Bio 1AL cough* *cough why Mike Meighan why cough* *cough IB 132 as well cough*), I have enjoyed all my other classes, despite how difficult they’ve been. Yeah Bio 1A lecture was rough, but the material was cool and I enjoyed it. Yeah MCB C100A was tough and confusing, but at least I now know the answer to life is the entropy of water (like actually). I have no shame in saying I have really enjoyed my coursework, and if I were not so involved outside of school, I too would be cooped up in the library reading my textbooks. I think we also make personality assumptions about people based on a narrow view of their behavior. If you were to study a lot in the library you might be considered introverted or socially disengaged, when in reality the amount you read says absolutely nothing about that. I personally love doing bio research and spend too much time in lab, but this doesn’t make me your textbook “science major who wants to go to med school but should really go into grad school because they like research and not people,” because guess what: I like research AND people. Yes, I am a ridiculously extroverted person who enjoys pipetting for hours on end. Deal with it.

As mentioned earlier, I am involved in a lot of extracurricular activities, so people who don’t know me might think I’m padding my resume by putting items on it. But I’d like to think I’m really passionate about the stuff I do, otherwise I wouldn’t be spending my precious youth doing them. I am going to be spending my winter break working in lab and volunteering at a free clinic, which is a combination most pre-med. Does this make me a gunner, that I am wasting time that is societally “reserved” for “fun” (I actually prefer running western blots to sitting at home and watching Netflix, thank you very much)? My friend Barry Bautista offered his opinion on the extracurricular dimension of “gunner,” commenting that (paraphrased) “gunners tend to do activities solely for the sake of their resume and not to benefit the organization or position they’re filling.” He cited examples of individuals who take leadership positions and merely follow the existing protocol instead of growing the positions and taking the organizations to new levels. I definitely agree with Barry’s perspective, but the problem is in discerning sincerity. I always see the best in people so I am a terrible judge of sincerity. If you asked me if I knew any gunners I would say no, but if you ask my friend they’d think a lot of people I know are gunners.

How can we know if someone is genuinely interested in something? My friend Krishna Bommakanti offered me her insight into this process. She has conducted interviews for many “pre-meddy” organizations and says that you can often discern someone’s motives or intentions based on how they speak. She said many people talk about pursuing medicine as a “check-list,” in which you need X hours of Y activity just for the sake of having it. She also said many people, when asked about their interest in medicine, tend to give poor answers that don’t show a lot of thought. This is interesting because my friend Barry also said that many of the people he knows couldn’t really talk about, or have interest in, various bioethical or health related issues that doctors should be well-versed in. I am hesitant to judge based on this because someone might genuinely be ignorant of certain issues, and that doesn’t make them disingenuous.

So after all this ranting, what do I think makes a “gunner”? I think a “gunner” is someone who will go out of their way to harm others and/or do things disingenuously to get into medical school. I DO NOT think you are a gunner if you study ahead for classes, or constantly go to office hours and ask questions, or work really hard and keep yourself into Stacks until 2 AM.

But I would like to hear your opinion on this issue. What do you think makes a gunner? I intentionally omitted a discussion about Ritalin or Adderall use because I am really undecided on the ethics of this. I am aware it’s illegal, but is it really that bad (like I said earlier, I’ve never tried them)? Any criteria you feel I did not discuss? Let me know your thoughts!

My main goal is to promote a healthy community of scholars, so let us promote our collective well-being!

Update on summer plans + My pre-med path (part 1)

Hi people of the internet! I told myself I was going to post more, so I’ll let ya’ll know what I be doing and what’s to come.

I’m actually really pumped for this summer for a variety of reasons! For starters, I’ll start working in a new research lab this monday, studying post-translational modification in the M18 protein. Maybe it’s the biochem nerd in me speaking, but I’m really excited to get balls-deep into science! In addition, one of the organizations I’m involved in, PEACE, will holding Bio 1B friday review sessions this summer. Since this is very new thing we’re trying, I’m excited to see if it will go anywhere, and how members of the Berkeley community can continue to improve our collective experiences as scholars!! On top of that, I’ll continue volunteering at the Berkeley Free Clinic, and I recently started at Alta Bates. So yeah, that’s what I’ll be doing this summer!

Oh wait, PLOT TWIST: I’m taking the MCAT this August too!!! Which means one thing: this summer is going to be extremely turnt. I’m slightly nervous (verbal is wrecking me), but ready to get down to business to defeat the Huns!

So I realized that I pretty much never post, and I’d like to make a post elaborating on my “pre-med” path, how it started, and where it’s (hopefully) going. Maybe it’s the MCAT making think about pre-med life, but I’ve reflecting over my reasons for wanting to a doctor and while at the time I wasn’t able to explain everything I had been feeling, I think I’m somewhat able to narrate my feelings. I think this is a really important self-dialogue to have because you’ll eventually need to articulate this in your personal statement, and also it’s important to be honest with yourself. I hope ya’ll take something out of this and the many other posts to come 🙂

Like many people I know, I entered college as pre-med; that is to say, from the moment I walked through that door in 176 Barrows, I knew I had a strong interest in medicine and that I was going to take all of the pre-med reqs and all that other fun stuff. However, I haven’t been dying to be a doctor since I was 10. I never had some really cool surgery or medical situation that inspired me to pursue this path, and although I’ve experienced many deaths in the family, they didn’t really make me interested in medicine. During high school, I’d say volunteering at the Westminster Free Clinic sparked my interest in medicine the most. I remember one patient in particular: the patient presented symptoms like migraines, pain, and some cold-like symptoms, and how the doctor responded was really shocking. He started asking the patient about how her personal life was doing, and through talking to her about that, he learned of the many stresses and problems in her life that contributed to these symptoms. Without any medication whatsoever, the doctor was able to reassure the patient, and let her know what she needed to do rid her of those symptoms. That experience was formative in that it showed me how medicine, at its ideal, appeals to my academic and personal interests in so many ways: a detective-like approach to solving scientific problems, and awesome immersion into applied physiology and pharmacology, but most of all, being able to empower people to change their lives, whether it be through self-care, medication, a healthier lifestyle, or other measures. I think this last point was especially impactful on a sort of existential/moral-outlook/purpose-for-life level because I realized what I want to do with my life. On the most superficial level, I want to “help people,” but more importantly, and this is something I’ve been realizing continuously over the past two years, I want to transform lives on so many different levels, and it’s this passion for people, so to speak, that I think has grown exponentially in college and is the reason why I’m going to be sleep-deprived this summer when I could be be chillaxing. In the moments after seeing that patient, I didn’t immediately realized any of this, but I’ve been mulling over it ever since because I always ask myself why I want to be a doctor, and sometimes I felt I couldn’t give myself a great answer beyond the standard “science+helping people” combo.

And let me be clear: it’s not like this passion/drive only explains why I want to pursue medicine. It pretty much explains everything about me, bar my tendency to swear profusely or my sense of humor. It explains why I want to study Public Health (a multi-tiered approach to improving health); it explains why I’m involved in Mental Health organizations ( I want to promote a healthier/less-stigmatized dialogue about our emotions); it explains why I spend several hours a week tutoring for free when I could be making bank (because I want to help people make the most out of education, and I also like hearing my voice), and the list  goes on and on and on and on. I remember back in high school that I wanted to be a senator, and back then the only reasons I could think of were that a) I liked politics and b) I wanted to filibuster any and all socially conservative bills. When I look back, I think this really tied in to my desire to transform public policy, which has an enormous impact on how people are socialized and conduct their lives.

Of all that I’ve done in college, and I think I’ve done a metric shit-ton so far, I think volunteering at the Berkeley Free Clinic has really strengthened my passion for medicine. I think I’ve learned two big things at the clnicA big thing at the clinic we try to be our clients “advocates.” For many people, this may be synonymous with service provider/doctor, but it’s really a much more inclusive term. Having dealt with clients from so many different gender, sexual, racial, political, and socioeconomic backgrounds, I’ve learned that providing care to a person, which in itself is a problematic term to an extent, is more than just dealing with their immediate medical needs, and even those are affected by their other situations. I strive to be an advocate for everyone: whether this be helping someone with their medical needs or being there for a friend in their time of need, I want to embrace the nuance and complexity of human emotion and struggles and work together to improve the situation. And a lot of doing this is to empower individuals through information, confidence, reassurance, and other forms of support to achieve whatever goal they may have. Being judgmental and other-ing is a huge, huge, huge problem in our society and a big barrier to healthcare. And I’m all about tearing these barriers to the ground yo.

Another important thing I’ve learned, and this’ll probably be my last point, is how to deal with the worst case scenario of helping people: when in the desire to do great things, we screw up and hurt someone. While I’ve never had anyone’s life dangling at my fingertips, I’ve had to deal with mistakes I’ve made while volunteering that have undoubtedly harmed others. Whether I misspoke when I was talking about STI stuff or I made an appointment taking error and someone wasn’t able to get a TB test to get into their shelter, I have learned to accept the fact that I do screw up and as a doctor, I will undoubtedly continue to screw up. Screwing up is part of life. But I don’t let that get to me: I instead try to learn from my mistakes and continue going ahead trying to assist others, knowing that there’s always the possibility of making mistakes. I think this is really important for all pre-meds to consider the fact that as doctors, they will unintentionally harm people. And accepting that is a huge step in determining if medicine is a suitable career.

 

I’ll post more about pre-med related things in the future!!! I’d love to hear everyone’s feedback. Happy Friday, and stay based!

Pre-med Sincerity

Hey everyone! I’ve been reflecting about being a pre-med and all that it entails, and I’d like to share with ya’ll a pressing concern, one that is ostensibly obvious yet ignored and subject to almost no scrutiny.

As the name implies, all pre-meds share the goal of one day becoming doctors. But as we all know, it’s very challenging to obtain admissions to medical school, and this leads many pre-meds to strengthen their application by many means: better grades, higher MCAT, stronger letters of recommendation, etc… Whilst many pre-meds go by their daily lives not pondering the ramifications of this very-flawed admissions process, I’ve come to realize that many pre-meds do things solely for the sake of getting into medical school

The notion of boosting one’s resume to increase career prospects is nothing new; those who want jobs in the business or tech world often resort to these tactics with great success. Regardless of the field, people should have relevant experience to that field showing their interest and competency: that much is common sense.

What irks me is not the idea that pre-meds should have medically-relevant experiences, but that pre-meds seek out certain experiences and/or activities solely to increase their chances of getting into medical school. That sort of behavior reeks of insincerity, yet it is ubiquitous in pre-med culture.

Now I’ll be honest: I’m guilty of this sort of thinking. I reflect over what I do and how it contributes to my goal of being a doctor. I subconsciously categorize fellow pre-meds on various criteria and assign labels like “OP” (over-powered, which means they’re gonna be strong applicants). I am aware of what you “need to do” to get into medical school (I’ll explain the quotations later). In spite of my succumbing to these behaviors, I strive to transcend this view of my undergraduate education and yearn for passion and sincerity. Even if I don’t get into medical school, or if I decide to pursue another career path, my undergraduate experiences will have been meaningful and unregrettable if I have been sincere about them. And from a medical-school oriented perspective, having passion for something will help distinguish you from other applications.

It’s important to point out that passion/sincerity and “looking good for medical school” are not mutually exclusive: many of my activities probably look sweet, but I pursue them first and foremost because I love them to pieces. I’m not suggesting that we try to hurt our applications, because obviously I want to have a strong one, but that we re-evaluate why we do things and ask ourselves how much heart is in them.

I’m aware that there are certain aspects of your application that are considered near-essential like clinical experience, but if you’re interested in medicine chances are you’d get it regardless? Besides that, there are certain things that people think they need or that will make them look awesome when in reality it’s not. If you want to attend a top medical school, you should definitely have some research experience, but if you have no interest in research and just want to be a practicing physician, then please don’t do research for the sake of having it on your application. Not only are you setting yourself up for an unpleasant experience, you’re potentially preventing others from pursuing an experience that they genuinely care about. Now if you’ve never done research before and want to see what it’s like, that’s totally fine (I did that myself this past fall), but do it for the right reasons. Doing it solely to pad your application isn’t worth it.

My message is simple: do you. Don’t let a career path make you do anything unnatural or extremely contrived. You are the captain of your own ship; use that power and privilege wisely.

I’m sure many of you who read this will disagree with me and having a litany of opinions on this subject. That’s totally fine, and I think dialogue is key in these sorts of situations. Just know that I’m not trying to ostracize anyone or insult anyone for their choices: I just want to point out something that seems wrong to me.

I’m sure many of you who read this will disagree with me and having a litany of opinions on this subject. That’s totally fine, and I think dialogue is key in these sorts of situations. Just know that I’m not trying to ostracize anyone or insult anyone for their choices: I just want to point out something that seems wrong to me.

 

Thanks for reading! Feel free to comment, and check back in a few weeks for another post. #swagmeout

Reflections on Spring 2013 (A year late)

Hi people!!! So I know I haven’t posted anything in a few months and this blog has been really inactive, but I’ll try to change that post things at least once a week from now on!

Today I’ll tell you about my spring semester of freshman year, undoubtedly one of the most difficult periods of my life. It’s not that easy to talk about it, but writing about it helps let out the pain, and I hope my story can inspire others who are going through rough periods of their lives. Parts of this post are going to be emotionally evocative, and it’s an extremely personal post, but I’m completely comfortable sharing it. I’m not ashamed of anything that happened: in fact, I’m proud I managed to be so resilient.

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I ended my first semester of college with a bang. I finished my first semester at Berkeley, a college that 6 prior scared the shit out of me, with a 4.0, and I was riding that high all through the break and into next semester. Because I did so well with 17 units, I decided to up it to 20 units for the spring. I was set to take Chem 3A/L, Math 16A, Anthro 1, PMB 13, Public Health 116, and a DeCal called Sather Health. Little did I know what was going to happen.

I remember early on in the semester I had applied to the Berkeley Free Clinic’s lab section; having volunteered at a free clinic in high school, I was absolutely pumped to start volunteering at BFC, but I was so dismayed when I was rejected after what I thought was a great interview. The neurotic pre-med voice inside of me started flaring up, and I felt very, very inferior to others. Was I to be one of those 4.0 robots? Only time would tell.

I also remember having my first date early that semester, during the superbowl I think. It was a nice dinner, but I remember there not being much chemistry and it not really leading to a second date, so I felt really, really bummed. I worried that there was something wrong with me, that I was an inferior human being because I was not able to “succeed” in a romantic or sexual manner. It seemed like everyone around me had their share of fun, so I felt very isolated.

With these misfortunes under my belt, I treaded through my first round of midterms and wasn’t pleased with the results: I remember getting below average on my first Math 16A midterm, which shocked me because it’s supposed to be the joke math class that’s like AP Calc AB. My GSI talked to me separately during class and asked about my math ability, and it was the weirdest experience, to having done so well in one semester to now being below average.

The Chem 3A midterm went pretty well, but the B+ I received was underwhelming in the light of my A in Chem 1A, so I was similarly displeased. It seemed like nothing in the world was working my way, and I questioned whether or not I was actually intelligent. I sought solace from this self-perceived failure in my social life, but like everything else in this story, it wasn’t very fruitful.

My floormate suggested I join Rotaract, and I always liked doing community service, so I decided to give it a try. They had their own “family system,” something I definitely felt I needed in spite of this other failure. Now I know plenty of people I met in Rotaract will be reading this, and I want to say I have nothing against them or against the organization, but I didn’t really enjoy the social aspect of Rotaract that semester; in fact, it made me feel even worse. I felt like I couldn’t connect with others in my “family,” that I was just this weird person on a completely different wavelength. I was extremely outgoing and wanted to meet everyone, but no one ever clicked with me. The only reason I stayed in Rotaract was my dedication to service, emphasized and idealized through the president at the time, who is to this today one of the most influential and inspirational people in my life. Despite my passion for service, I still felt alone. That semester I also had joined OASES, where I was able to tutor elementary school kids with other Cal students. Yet again, no matter how hard I tried, I felt unable to form strong connections with anyone, and I still felt alone. Add this to the list of failures.

One night in particular was extremely painful: I remember leaving a frat party one night. As many men do at frat parties, they ask girls to dance, but despite my effort for a few hours, not a single girl danced with me. Now most people wouldn’t think about this too much, but this not only tipped the camel’s break: it crushed every vertebrae in my spine. At 1:30 AM I went to one of those benches near Stephens Hall and started crying for an hour straight. I hated what I thought myself to be: an academic and social failure. Now this wasn’t the first time I left a party, or any engagement for that matter, depressed, but I had never sunken to this depth before. When I came home that night I wasn’t able to look my roommate straight in the eye or even talk to him: I just went to bed.

The irony among all of this was that I had joined You Mean More that semester, an organization that supported Mental Health awareness and Suicide Prevention. That semester I probably had the worst mental health I’ve ever had. My entire life I’d been, and currently am, a more-or-less a happy person, but that Spring just ruined me.

After halfway through the semester things started to get better: I got a 95 on my second Chem 3A midterm (the average was 62) and on my Anthro 1 midterm, so I felt pretty ecstatic….until I started applying for internships and other positions. I applied for HSI and FSI through Public Health 116, got interviews for both, and got into neither. I remember talking to my friend who thought she had bombed her interview: turns out she did get into HSI, and I, who felt like my interview went well, did not. But it wasn’t just that internship: I started looking for research positions and actually got an interview with Tyrone Hayes, but I didn’t get it, probably because I told him I was taking 2 classes that summer, and he probably thought I couldn’t handle it. I felt like I would be doing nothing productive that summer and that I’d rot away behind my books.

You might be wondering when things started to turn around, when my usual aura of optimism and positivity started overpowering the negativity. There wasn’t a specific event that magically turned everything around, but it was gradual process that ended around the summer. I ended that semester with a 4.0, which completely surprised me because I was expecting a B or C in Math, but because the professor was terrible and made the final obscenely difficult, my mediocre performance earned me an A+ in the class. This definitely brought my spirits up in the context of my academics, but I felt like a failure in other ways as well. My social catharsis happened at several of the club banquets, where I felt appreciated for who I was and finally felt like I was accepted into their social sphere. There were several other events that happened during the summer that really brought my spirits up, but I’ll save those for another night.

I wrote this story for two reasons: first, to release many of the emotions I have regarding this period of my life. I don’t know about ya’ll, but writing about stuff is hella therapeutic, and I feel very relieved letting a lot of this off my chest.

Second, I know that I’ve developed a reputation as an intelligent, successful Cal student who is apparently unable to struggle in classes or in anything in life. I’ve noticed whenever I try to complain about anything, my friends always bring up my past successes or my image as this really amazing beast. I’m not gonna lie: I’m awesome.But even the based god has his struggles, and this is meant to show not only that even I have gone through my fair share of shit, but also that I got through it and grew as a person.

Lots of my friends, especially the pre-meds, are worried about success and failure. They worry about doing poorly on a midterm or not getting a certain position or whatever. Regardless of what happens, you need to remain optimistic. There will be a brighter tomorrow, but only if you work for it. There comes a point in life when it takes back its silver platter; that time varies from person to person, but you should be prepared for your descent from whatever privilege once encapsulated you.

I’m not gonna lie: this current semester is wrecking me pretty hard academically, and I’m way more stressed out this semester than the last. But this is a 100x better than last spring, because I have confidence and the belief that I can do it: I can get good grades, I can  succeed at interviews, I can actually have friends (sometimes too many, which is probably why I get distracted from Bio 1AL reading), and I can actually enjoy all that life is giving me.

I hope that whenever you start to doubt yourself and lose faith, you remember the resilience of our species. I know you can do it.

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If you managed to read the entire post, I hoped you enjoyed it and that it will help you in your times of need.

 

Thanksgiving Reflection

Happy Thanksgiving everyone! I know I haven’t really posted anything in the past year, but I’m feeling rather sentimental right now, listening to Mariah Carey on the BART towards SFO, so here goes nothing:

As the name “Thanksgiving” implies, this day is all about being thankful for what you cherish: your friends, family, significant others, health, career, education, and the other things that aren’t so obvious. Most of us try to do this by spending times with our loved ones, engaging in traditional activities like Thanksgiving-football, and, most of all, eating enough food to feed the third world (a bit risqué, but I like to YOLO). But the question I shall be unpacking is this: how much of the idealized Thanksgiving spirit, the noble goal of sincere thanks and appreciation, carries on to the rest of our life? Obviously we’re all grateful on the day of, but does that gratefulness carry over to the rest of our lives; do we, as my mom always advised, “make Thanksgiving everyday?”

Thanksgiving always gives me mixed feelings about my relationships; I am blessed to have a loving family and a strong support network of friends, and I’d like to think I’m grateful for everything I have. But simultaneously I mope about the imperfection in these relationships: the fact that I’m not close enough to my family, the fear that my friends care about me as much I care about them, and the list goes on for pages. Now if there’s one thing I’ve learned in college, it’s that when you think you’re alone in feeling anything, you’re dead wrong: there are always people who can empathize with you, so I’m going to assume that other people deal with these struggles as well, instead of wallowing in my self-pity.  Insecurity is a common theme of humanity, and I’m not knocking anyone with insecurities (which is everyone), but is the presence of this insecurity evidence of our ungratefulness? If we were “grateful” in the fullest sense, would we really be insecure about these issues? Maybe I’m biased because Dear Mama is playing, but I’ve stumbled upon the answer:

Our insecurities are our gratefulness.

All the neuroticism with respect to our relationships may not be productive, but it shows that we are indeed thankful. Ask yourself: “Why would I care about something so much or entertain a thought so seriously unless It really mattered to me?” I’m aware some people are more anxious than others, but as a heuristic, the things we worry about are important to us. I worry about my relationships with my friends and family because I care about those people, because I know I’d have their backs in a heartbeat and I’d hope they’d do the same for me. Worrying about these things is an expression of our humanity.

While I can’t say everyone has these thoughts during Thanksgiving, nor does everyone look at life the way I do, but this is just a view to consider when you’re going HAM on those mashed potatoes. Have a wonderful Thanksgiving!! #swagmeout

 

Reflection on Anthro 3AC

Hi there! Today I have yet another academic reflection (because I such a vibrant winter break social life).

Being my first Anthropology course ever, I had only a vague idea of what to expect. I had a decent understanding that anthropology vaguely involved “studying other cultures” and that a huge chunk of it was understanding human evolution, but I didn’t really understand the “four subfield” classification or even the point of Anthropology. Was it just to learn about other cultures? Couldn’t you do that by watching documentaries? As it turns out, this course was a lot more than just learning about other cultures: simply put, this course was about a) thinking about the notion of culture and understanding its plasticity and dynamic nature in relation to other cultures and b) understanding the social implications of economic and geopolitical activity.

According to the course syllabus, Anthropology 3AC is “Introduction to Global American Anthropology.” This is syllabus-talk for “Socio-cultural Anthropology, but we need to mention America for the American Cultures Requirement.” Socio-cultural Anthropology is, in the most reductive, un-anthropological blanket statement ever, those two points from last paragraph. As one might observe, the second point seems a lot like sociology and economics. That’s because a sizable part of this course has a lot of overlap with sociology and economics, especially the brief foray into Marx and the effects of globalization on 3rd world countries. However, there is a big difference between Sociology and Anthropology (at least from my understanding): Sociology tends to be quantitative whereas Anthropology tends to be more qualitative. Ethnography, only a small part of which is quantitative, is a huge part of gathering Anthropological data. As such, many of the readings were simply ethnographies of various locations: post-communist Romania, the Trobriand Islands, and Central Africa to name a few. And here lies the flaw of this course, at least as an American Cultures requirement. THE READING.

Let me make this clear: I found most of the reading fascinating, although it got tedious and dense at times. However, I do not represent the majority of students in the class. I was the  guy in the center-left of the 4th row who spoke nearly every lecture, and seeing as though the vast majority of students never once spoke a word, I clearly liked Anthropology a whole helluva lot more than most kids. So for someone who doesn’t like social science, this course readings were not friendly. There is a moderate amount of reading each week, and even I have to admit I skipped a few of the readings that seemed downright unpleasant. Everything I have been saying so far seems pretty negative, but I haven’t mentioned the good part of the course, the part that outweighs the reading and is the reason you should consider taking the course. I’m talking about the professor

Cori Hayden was my best lecturer this semester by approximately 9001 furlongs. She speaks audibly, is easy to understand, uses common English, and really captures the essences of the readings, so well that you actually DON’T HAVE TO DO ALL OF THE READINGS. Hayden went over the pieces I skipped so well that I pretty much knew all of the substance by the time I went back to them for the final. This is one class in which lecture is by far the most important component, and is one you really don’t want to miss. Plus, she bagged on Bill O’Reilly A LOT and told lots of funny stories. She was a professor I could empathize with more than most and she was simply awesome.

Now I’m sure some of you are wondering about the difficulty of the course, how it’s graded, etc… And here’s where I’m confused: I have no idea how I got my final grade. The syllabus says the kinship project is 10%, the ethnographic reflection is 20%, the midterm is 25%, the final is 30%, and discussion is 15%, but I doubt this was the case. I received an A-/B+ on my Kinship Project and an A- on my Ethnographic Reflection. Assuming I get 100% on everything else, I’ll be around a 97%. But I got a 98 on my midterm and probably mid-90s for the final. So it is highly likely I got less than a 97%, right?

I ended up with an A+

Yes, I know I should be celebrating an A+, but I was very confused that a mid 90’s grade is an A+. Now, it’s possible that the grade scale was shifted down or the exams were curved, but that begs the question: if the class is curved, does that mean it’s a difficult class? Personally, not at all. C’mon, it’s Introductory Anthropology, not Hegelian Positivism in the context of Social Darwinism. It’s a survey course meant to introduce students to various topics in socio-cultural anthropology under a few common themes. Granted, I like this material more than most, but that doesn’t make it magically easier.

Overall, this was a fantastic course, and even if you don’t like social science reading, you should consider this course because of Cori Hayden’s lectures. If you put in reasonable effort, you should get at least an A-.

Thanks for reading, and come again for my next post, probably on History 14.

Reflection on Chem 1AL

Ohai people of the interwebz, welcome to my lovely blog. Enjoy the following reflection

Chem 1AL is a very interesting experience, immensely difficult to summarize in a sentence. But around the end of the semester my friend made a very funny remark (regarding our lab project), which actually sums up this class pretty neatly: “this is a middle school project with Berkeley Grade Deflation”.

Chem 1AL’s scope is nothing special: It’s a General Chemistry Lab, nothing extraordinary to expect. If you’ve done AP Chem or even a good Honors Chem course, the labs aren’t very much different. But there’s a rub–nay, 4 rubs, that make this class spicier than your average chemistry lab.

1. Formal Lab Reports, one on titrations and on on biofuels. I’m not going to dwell on this too much, as I’ve dedicated a previous post to these lovely reports, but in a nutshell: the expectations of these lab reports, not to mention the grading, exceeds the scope of a general chemistry class.

2. This class is 1-unit. but you spend at the minimum 4 hours a week in class. I’m pretty sure that 4+ hours of work per week denotes 2-units. Actually, I’m extremely sure it denotes 2-units. Get it right, Berkeley administration. Chem 3AL, 3BL, and Bio 1AL are all 2-units, so why is 1AL 1?

3. The poster project at the end of the semester- a very fun experience indeed. At first, I thought “man, this is going to be synch!” Then I saw examples from last year, and I saw that really good posters got C’s and D’s. To prevent any kind of black magic fuckery from destroying our grade, my partner and I resolved to include lots of “science”, information pertaining to the knowledge gained in the course, on our poster. I’m pretty sure my partner and I spent 7 hours one night finalizing our information, then 2 hours the following night making the board. These 9 hours come after hours of independent research. And remember, this is a 1 unit class. During those two nights, I was thinking to myself “fuck it, let’s just stop. I’m sure we’ll be fine.” I’m glad that we didn’t DGAF the project because our GSI grilled my group like no other. BUT, I had numerical data that proved our primary point on the middle of the poster. Also, we got 4 bonus points for doing our project on something “Green”, so we ended up with over 100% All in All, this project was way too much work and got sketch at times. And seeing how our GSI grilled other groups, I don’t think it went as well for everyone.

4. A lab exam, worth 20% of our grade. A lab exam in itself doesn’t seem that bad, especially because it’s more quantitatively based. Except the average was 73%, and the grade scale wasn’t shifted, and half the class historically gets an A or A+. Yeah……….. I’m guessing lots of people didn’t take too kindly to this. I personally didn’t find it too bad, but that’s just me. Oh, and I almost forgot to mention: there were no previous exams to study off of because this was the first year. AKA, we had no idea how to study. Our ever-so-helpful GSI gave us some really funky practice problems that bordered on freaky Math 1B black magic (my fellow labmates can attest to this).

Overall, I enjoyed this class not so much because of the actual labs but because of the people I met. Both of my lab partners are awesome, as was my project partner and all the other friends I made in this class. It made the boring labs and harsh GSI much more bearable. Thankfully, I got an A in this class with about a 95%. This class really isn’t that difficult: just put in your best effort, and hopefully things will work out. If not, I hear Ethnic Studies is uncapped xD.

Jokes aside, have a wonderful day and remember: Aspartame is bad for your health.

Reflection on Chem 1A

Happy Holidays everyone! And yes- this includes Boxing Day.

Because I have all the free time in the world, I feel like I should write about my academic experiences this past semester, and maybe some random Cal student out there will benefit from this. I will discuss each class as an individual blog post to ensure thorough coverage.

Chem 1A- Yes, the dreaded Chem 1A. That’s what I thought when I registered for this class over the summer. Originally I planned to take Physics 8A this semester and start Chem next semester because the spring professor is supposedly easier. However, my friend told me that the spring Chem 1A professor was not teaching it that spring, so I felt like my attempt at cheating the system was a dud. I dropped physics and signed up for Chem 1A like most kids did. Having heard all the rumors about pre-med weeders and people doing horribly their freshman year, I wasn’t very enthused, at least in any positive sense. This anxiety grew when an acquaintance of mind told me how many kids who did AP Chem perform poorly because they think they know everything already. On top of that I wasn’t doing very well on the online homework, even though it was later revealed that you only need a certain amount correct to get credit. Early on during the semester I had serious thoughts of just dropping pre-med because I couldn’t get an A, but after my first midterm, I learned a few things:

1. The grade scale is NOT fixed. I remember whining to my sophomore friend about my 80% on the midterm and she was like “dude, that’s really good. you’re on track for an A. don’t worry”. Just as a reference, I got around an 87% (without Extra Credit factored in) and pulled off a Solid A in the class, and many of my friends say they got solid A’s with an 84 or an 85. Much nicer than the 85 cutoff for A- as implied in the syllabus.

2. While this class is certainly no walk in the park, it’s still GENERAL CHEMISTRY, not Advanced Analytical d-orbital excitation in cyclo-alkynes. Also, this is not meant for chemistry majors. This is a majority pre-med course with a sizable engineering minority. People know pre-meds generally aren’t necessarily inclined towards the physical sciences, nor do they need to know chemistry as much as a chem major. That being said, people tend to over-hype this course as ridiculously impossible. This mentality is half the difficulty. People should focus more on grasping the material than fearing GPA destruction.

3. It is very difficult for me to compare AP Chemistry with Chem 1A because I had forgotten nearly all of my Chemistry knowledge before 1A, but I’d say that they are pretty different in scope. AP Chem is very quantitative, and there are plenty of difficult calculations we never even touched in Chem 1A. On the other hand, Chem 1A stresses conceptual understanding far more and memorization far less than AP. Plus, AP Chem never even touched light or Molecular Orbital Theory.

4. Find a wise sensei, usually in the form of a GSI. My wise master was none other than the fabulous Neil Rumachik, a very tall man who sported a funny beanie everyday. But merely having a sensei is not enough: one must barrage him with questions until concepts are mastered. In my case, I talked with him after class about chemistry that was often “out of the scope” of the class, but these discussions helped me understand chemistry. If you get a GSI who isn’t very good, find a good GSI via office hours and use him/her to the fullest of your ability. The good ones are out there: you just have to find them.

5. Professor Majda, while delightfully cute and possibly a Teddy Bear, is not the best lecturer. For the love of God/Amida/Thor/FSM/whatever-you-believe-in, go to Stacy or Arnold if you have trouble understanding Majda as I and many others did.

6. As mentioned in #3, this class is not meant to be memorization heavy. So DON’T MEMORIZE. UNDERSTAND CONCEPTS. This is seriously important, not only for this class, but for any non-biology class. CONCEPTUAL UNDERSTANDING IS PARAMOUNT. I honestly didn’t study very much this semester because I focus all my time on conceptual understanding. Then I go back and supplement my understanding with as many facts as needed.

7. THE MOST IMPORTANT PIECE OF ADVICE. When constructing a firm understanding, do not discuss concepts in a void. Equilibrium and Free Energy are immensely related, as is Light to Electrons, Stability to electron organization, and a whole list of other things. It is the relationship between these concepts that fosters a complete understanding and appreciation of chemistry. Because let’s face it: Chemistry is fucking awesome.

Reflections on my First Semester of College

Hi there ya’ll,

It’s currently dead week, the week students are supposed to catch up on sleep, study for finals, and have a less hectic schedule in general. As such, I found time to collect my thoughts on this past semester (instead of studying 🙂

Like most high school seniors, I had certain expectations and preconceived notions, both good and bad, of college life. On one hand, having heard many rumors of Berkeley’s competitive nature and big-school feel, I was extremely worried at first: I thought I was going to fail all my classes and become depressed. On the other hand, having suffered the boredom of my suburban upbringing and high school, I thought I was going to have “the time of my life” and always be stimulated, whether it be through hangouts, spontaneous trips to the city, 1 AM food runs, parties, etc… After this semester, I can say confidently that, in my case, neither of these expectations lived up to be true.

The commonly-held belief is that it takes a semester or two for students to get acclimated to “college life” (whatever that vague phrase means). I think this is why Berkeley advises its freshman to take 13 units their first semester, about 3 4-unit courses + a seminar or a decal (student-taught course). This past semester I took 17 units because a) I didn’t know about the 13-unit thing at my registration and b) I wanted to test out a few classes to determine my major. Being 4 units over the suggested amount, I was fairly worried about how I would fare in the allegedly competitive environment of Berkeley. One class in particular, Chem 1A, worried me the most because of its reputation as a pre-med weeder.

Turns out my worrying wasn’t really justified because a) I’m doing well in all my classes and b) I’m not stressing 24/7 over my classes and studying 1231312312867897 hours a fortnight. I estimate my total workload outside of class is 15-20 hours a week. Even though my classes aren’t obscenely hardcore (like quantum mechanics or something), I was still very shocked when I realized I don’t need to spend all of my time studying to do well. I know this is going to sound REALLY cliche, but the key really is “managing your time” well. Granted, I am HORRIBLE at managing my time and procrastinate to the max, but the classes don’t seem too insane as long as I buckle down eventually.

This discussion of my first semester paints it in a purely positive light, and while I enjoy this semester overall, the other expectation, the one of the exciting college experience, was, to my dismay, not met.

Back in high school, I got bored REALLY easily. I blamed this boredom on the fact I was in high school and was living in a very boring city instead of actually analyzing the root of my boredom, which I still don’t fully understand. I thought once I got to college I would be constantly stimulated and never bored….yeah, about that: I’m just as bored in college as I was in high school, only this time I have better access to food. Maybe I’m just doing it wrong (which is perfectly plausible: I’m not perfect), but damn, college is not THAT fun. It’s definitely an enjoyable experience, and on the whole I do not regret my choice to go to college, but I still can’t stop wishing I had a more lively experience. Sure, I get to do crazy fun stuff sometimes, but a lot of my time is wasted just lazing around in my room. Most people suggest extracurricular activities to alleviate this, so I joined a few clubs and got involved with community service. But goddamn, I’m writing a blog post about my own life instead of living it in a social atmosphere. And that is the disappointing aspect of my college experience.

Like I’ve said before, I enjoy college, and by no means am I depressed or angry, but I am slightly discontented. There is, however, a silver lining: this discontent just gives me something to fill my time, namely finding ways to make my college experience more exciting. And I achieve the same success in this sphere as I do in the academic sphere, hopefully things will get a little spicier.

Thanks for reading, and remember: Paul Ryan is not my mother.